We had a very busy weekend.
On Thursday it was our 15th wedding anniversary.
Mr Guzzi took me to a delicious restaurant in the Fullerton Bay hotel.
Afterwards we went high up on the roof to enjoy the view.
It was a romantic dinner with a romantic view.
Happy Anniversary MrGuzzi! I love you...
On Friday it was MsLollipop's 9th birthday.
9 years and 9 months ago I wrote:
I am waiting. Any moment now I can get the green light to start our IVF. But my periods will not come.
We have arranged everything, but my body does not want to follow my plans. It never does, does it.
I am so angry with it!
MrGuzzi suggests it might be psychological. The hope of becoming pregnant keeping my periods back.
It sounds a bit a far stretched but who knows. I am ready to believe anything at the moment.
I cannot be pregnant though, I know it cannot happen.
The required examination at the Moroccan clinic last week was a go for the IVF, my belly was clean - empty.
I am so restless, I have a headache and I have a nasty pain in my back and tummy.
The typical signs so why won't they just come!
If they come late, the whole planning will be 'late'.
Tickets need to be rebooked...
After the last fiasco I made a promise to myself , I would never ever buy a pregnancy test again!
But the next thing I find myself in the pharmacy buying one, 'for my own peace of mind'.
I hate myself for standing there, feeling utterly ridiculous.
At home I quickly test, leaving the thing carelessly in the bathroom.
I do not want to do this. I hate all this.
I go down and decide to prepare dinner, to calm my nerves and occupy my brain.
I do loose track of time , and then the test pops back into my mind.
I go to the bathroom to check it out.
Time stands still...
I still cannot describe that feeling, that moment. I still get goosebumps thinking about it.
I must have looked pretty stupid standing there , at first not really realizing what I was looking at.
Should it be 1 or 2 marks ... ??
I have to look into the bin to retrieve the guide. My hope is surfacing and I loose it.
I get so angry at myself, for hoping, for being silly.
Frustration, anger, hope, fear, distrust ... too many emotions mingle in my body.
And then I do read it: 2 marks ... I am pregnant.
This cannot be true, this is not real.
but it was...
9 months later MsLollipop was born.
9 years later and I am making a birthday cake.
A raspberrie cake ... Ms Lollipop's favourit.
The one MrGuzzi promised her the night before she was born.
He promised her lobster, champagne and a raspberriecake for dessert if she would just pop out.
and she did the next morning...
Happy birthday my sweet MsLollipop.
I love you to bits!
mama
On Thursday it was our 15th wedding anniversary.
Mr Guzzi took me to a delicious restaurant in the Fullerton Bay hotel.
Afterwards we went high up on the roof to enjoy the view.
It was a romantic dinner with a romantic view.
Happy Anniversary MrGuzzi! I love you...
On Friday it was MsLollipop's 9th birthday.
9 years and 9 months ago I wrote:
I am waiting. Any moment now I can get the green light to start our IVF. But my periods will not come.
We have arranged everything, but my body does not want to follow my plans. It never does, does it.
I am so angry with it!
MrGuzzi suggests it might be psychological. The hope of becoming pregnant keeping my periods back.
It sounds a bit a far stretched but who knows. I am ready to believe anything at the moment.
I cannot be pregnant though, I know it cannot happen.
The required examination at the Moroccan clinic last week was a go for the IVF, my belly was clean - empty.
I am so restless, I have a headache and I have a nasty pain in my back and tummy.
The typical signs so why won't they just come!
If they come late, the whole planning will be 'late'.
Tickets need to be rebooked...
After the last fiasco I made a promise to myself , I would never ever buy a pregnancy test again!
But the next thing I find myself in the pharmacy buying one, 'for my own peace of mind'.
I hate myself for standing there, feeling utterly ridiculous.
At home I quickly test, leaving the thing carelessly in the bathroom.
I do not want to do this. I hate all this.
I go down and decide to prepare dinner, to calm my nerves and occupy my brain.
I do loose track of time , and then the test pops back into my mind.
I go to the bathroom to check it out.
Time stands still...
I still cannot describe that feeling, that moment. I still get goosebumps thinking about it.
I must have looked pretty stupid standing there , at first not really realizing what I was looking at.
Should it be 1 or 2 marks ... ??
I have to look into the bin to retrieve the guide. My hope is surfacing and I loose it.
I get so angry at myself, for hoping, for being silly.
Frustration, anger, hope, fear, distrust ... too many emotions mingle in my body.
And then I do read it: 2 marks ... I am pregnant.
This cannot be true, this is not real.
but it was...
9 months later MsLollipop was born.
9 years later and I am making a birthday cake.
A raspberrie cake ... Ms Lollipop's favourit.
The one MrGuzzi promised her the night before she was born.
He promised her lobster, champagne and a raspberriecake for dessert if she would just pop out.
and she did the next morning...
Happy birthday my sweet MsLollipop.
I love you to bits!
mama
RSS Feed